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Where to go from here

December 21, 2010
"Your absence has gone through me
Like thread through a needle.. 
Everything I do is stitched with its color."- WS Merwin

Its strange.. a few days before my brother died i wrote a blog post draft ( never posted it) about what this year’s events have taught me, how they’ve given me direction and made what i really want out of life clearer.. and yet, now i find myself asking- “Where do i go from here?”…  How to continue on like normal when part of my world is missing.. how to know where i’m going when a part of my identity feels lost..
I know i haven’t posted much this past year.. so much of my focus was on loved ones… on Greg. He kept bugging me about it..- “when are you gonna publish that drawing?”, “why haven’t you put all your paintings online yet?”, “stop loafing it and just do it!”… It didn’t feel like it mattered much honestly, what mattered was spending time with him and loved ones. I kept creating throughout it all and have worked on a few projects, i just didn’t want to spare the time needed to put it out there for the rest of the world to see.

As stated in my previous post, today marks the Winter Solstice here. A day traditionally celebrated as the rebirth of the sun, a time of transition and change towards light and life. The new year approaches, a time when new resolutions are made…

Where do i go from here… how do i go from here.

In terms of art, blogging and work… I want to make Greg proud. I want to do what he kept saying i should.. put to rest my fears and hesitations, regain focus and really delve into my artwork and forward a career with it. I want to be as seemingly fearless as he could be in expressing himself. It’s one thing to make images as i have, it’s another to be as open verbally here and in general, and to explore more territory in my visual expressions. And yet, at the same time it feels like i just want to curl into a ball, hold tight to loved ones and shut out the world.. But logically that really would serve no one.

So, to give myself the proverbial kick in the ass to get things moving again on this front.. i ( with a gentle nudge from a special guy) decided to post these things today& soon i will be posting a symbolic fractal animation video i’ve worked on over the past year here and there in collaboration with a great musician . Greg liked that video and song, & it’s about time i publish it.

I cant say where things will go from there. I suppose I’ll begin to work towards putting out the backlog of creations and artworks I’ve made. Maybe I’ll try to be more expressive here as well. Who knows. All that is ever certain in life, is change.

Enjoy the solstice and i wish you all happy holidays!

 

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One Comment leave one →
  1. Aunt Catherine permalink
    December 21, 2010 5:14 pm

    happy solstice to you…..a nice reminder to turn towards light…..the light within each of us…..the Light Of The World…..and grow with the changes in life. Your thoughts are beautiful and profound and I really enjoy reading them and getting a better peak at who you are! Greg is smiling.

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